Category Archives: Thailand

NAPS OF THAILAND by Peter Nolan Smith

When a Chinese general was asked about the defeat of the People’s Army by the Vietnamese in 1979, he replied, “We get up at 5am and they get up at 4.” The draconian work ethic of NVA seemed to have been sapped by the torrid climes closer to the equator, because Thais and Laotians are […]

Thai Prison Phii

Why do cemeteries have fences around them? Because everyone is dying to get in. It’s the exact opposite for prison. Okay, this joke isn’t so funny to adults and neither was the 2009 appearance of a ghost in Bangkok’s Crime Suppression Division, where several guests of the state have experienced sleepless nights due to the […]

Love is Never Having to Say You’re Sorry

Love is Never Having to Say You’re Sorry is a famous line from the 1970 film LOVE STORY. Farangs are amazed by the infrequency of times that Thais saying they’re sorry. The word does exist as Khor-Todt, whose etymology stems from two Thai words; Khor or throat and Todt or fart. Throat-fart. Sorry, but maybe […]

HE AIN’T HEAVY, HE’S MY BROTHER by the Hollies

That 1960s Hollies hit gets plenty of play in Pattaya, only bargirls have changed to words to suit their need for subterfuge. “He not boyfriend. He my brother.” The tenacles of an extended Thai family are more tangled than a cluster of fornicating rattlesnakes. The second cousin of a third aunt from your sister’s second marriage is […]

ES TUT MIR LIED by Peter Nolan Smith

My high school German professor smoked cigarettes in the classroom. Ashes from his dying butts dropped onto his black cassock, as we read Kafta’s DAS URTEIL from a blue book. “Du sprechet wie Arschloch.” Bruder Karl’s cigarette ravaged voice grated the cinderblock wall. “Jawohl, Bruder.” Boston accents have no R and our class defiled the […]