Category Archives: Food

Coleman’s Mustard Shutdown

I love mustard. Not Grey Poupon or Gulden’s, for while all mustard consist of the same menu. The whole, ground, cracked, or bruised mustard seeds mixed with water, salt, lemon juice, or other liquids. That simple. And you can leave mustard out forever without it going bad. French moutarde is the best. The British for […]

Erotic Hot Dog Contest

The best hamburger in the world came from Simpson’s Grove outside Portland. The buns were toasted, the sauce was a mild relish/ketchup combo, cheddar cheese melting over the edges, and an all-beef patties sizzling with grilled fat. Yummy. No trace of this heavenly hamburger stand exists on the internet. The best steak came from a […]

Toilet Marathon

One early Sunday morning in 2007 the police blocked Pattaya’s major streets for the annual marathon. Runners started before dawn to escape the enervating powers of the tropical sun, otherwise the twenty-six miles would be shortened to a single kilometer. When I was in high school, I ran cross-country. 5K-10K. Not anymore. My friends and […]

The Best Ordovician Horseshoe Crab in the World

Dating back in time to the Ordovician age 450 million years ago horseshoe crabs are considered living fossils. These ancient invertebrates’ eyes are a million times more sensitive to light than humans, but they don’t have wear sunglasses while mating in mud or sand of shallow coastal waters. Sadly these extraordinary creatures are threatened by […]

KOSHER PIG by Peter Nolan Smith

Two years ago business in the Diamond District was almost non-existent during the high holidays of Rosh Shananah and Yom Kippur. The Hassidim disappeared to the various shetls scattered around New York and tourists entered our diamond exchange to gawk at the diamonds and jewelry. At least twice a day out-of-towners asked in complete seriousness, […]