It’s desperation season again.

Foreigners come to Pattaya with the goal of living out the rest of their life on the Eastern Seaboard. Some arrive with millions and others start businesses to finance the lifestyles of the ne’er-do-well and infamous. Most last about a year and a half before realizing their nest eggs and dream schemes are bankrupt.

The strong will shrug off the experience and return to their native lands to replenish their coffers, those with no hope will jump off a condo balcony rather than resume the purgatorial existence in the West, and then the desperate take matters into their own hands, because when things get desperate the desperate do something desperate.

 The proof comes with yet another farang attempting to rob a Thai Bank.Slightly before 7pm Friday night a German national walked into a Naklua bank armed with a gun and pepper spray. He demanded money and was given 190,000 baht (approximately $5000US). His escape plan was to jump on his motorbike parked outside the bank, however a hostile crowd had gathered and the hapless robber executed plan B by fleeing into an abandoned plot of overgrowth only to be captured by the security guard and a reward-hungry posse.

Over 50 police responded to the bank’s 911 and the criminal was transported under armed guard to the Soi 9 station, where the 54 year-old confessed that he was without funds and decided to commit this failed crime. Further investigation revealed that the robber had a history of such crimes in Germany. The most recent was in March 2006, from which he netted 70000 Euros.

70,000 Euros times 46 baht comes to approximately 3 million baht which means he went through his booty in 7 months. His party time cost roughly 460,000/month and now he has nothing to show for it, except possibly a pending jail sentence in Thailand.

“Regrets I have a few, but not too few to mention.” crooned Sinatra.

The German embassy announced their interest in the case and the desire to extradite their national to the Vaterland, where he will answer charges stemming from his crime spree.

Oh, yeah, the gun was a plastic replica.

He’s lucky he wasn’t shot dead.

Back in the 60s the star of Antonioni’s hippie drivel ZABRISKIE POINT, Mark Flechette, decides to rob a Boston bank on LSD. He and a friend brandished plastic guns and his friend was cut down by the guard. Mark later died in Walpole State Prison when weights were dropped on his chest. DOA.

German prison is no joke, but better than Thailand jail.

Only just. 

I have a friend who spent 8 years in Hannover Prison for armed robbery.

Banks with shotguns.

He was only 18.

One year was in solitary because he wouldn’t squeal out his friends.

He heard beatings all the time.

Most people think German jails are hotels.

No jail is a hotel once the gate closes.