Visa panic in Pattaya

Thousands of farangs throughout Thailand have been traveling to the Laos, Burma, Malay, and Cambodian borders to re-up permission to stay in the Land of Smiles with a VOA or Visa on Arrival. Every morning hundreds of vans travel to Poipet, Prum, Koh Kong, Vientienne, Mai Sot, Mai Sai, Kota Bharu, and S3010014.JPGother obscure frontier crossings, where thousands of farangs tramp across the border to answer the need to leave the nation after 30 days.

At Prum, Cambodia the frontier is marked with red flags warning of mines. I’ve seen two detonated. You had to stay on the path. No straying. A casino lays atop the nearest hill. No one on the visa run is allowed to go. The trip is strictly in-and-out.

Less than an hour later the weary travelers hand their passports to Thai immigration for another 30-day VOA stamp. Afterwards the vans speed to  Bangkok, Phuket, Pattaya Chiang Mai and points in between.

These visa runs were an alternative to flying back to Europe or the USA for a real visa. 30 days in. 30 minutes out. 2000 baht. The service blossomed into an industry in havens for farangs. Unfortunately the accused killer of Mary Jo Bennett, John Mark Carr, had been using VOAs to stay in Thailand and the international focus on his ‘crime’ forced the present caretaker government to re-interpret the laws on VOAs.

Starting Oct. 1, 2006 travelers will be allowed two extensions on the VOA, tigers_chicken_0.jpgafter which the ‘tourist’ will have to remain outside Thailand for another 90 days, unless he has a visa issued by an embassy or a consulate. The reaction amongst the western community could only be described as blind panic.

The plethora of misinformation was impressive. Some know-it-alls said we would have to abandon Pattaya for Sihanoukville. Bar hounds predicted the collapse of the Thai economy, as if a nation was solely dependent on their bar tabs. The fears were doubled when Immigration announced that the enforcement would be retroactive. In other words anyone with 3 VOA stamps would be persona non grata for 90 days.

The caretaker immigration minister had vowed to rid Thailand of dangerous undesirables. I have no worries with a tourist multi-entry visa and the possibility for a retirement visa in 2007. When I mentioned visas at the Buffalo Bar, the majority of the farangs admitted having only VOA stamps in their passports. 17 out of 20. Most were over 50 and all had beer bellies. Two had sweep-overs. They mostly looked like accountants on holiday and probably would score about a 2 on the Danger Meter.

Lulu came into the bar. He had returned from a concert tour in Belgium, “I have no problem and if I do, then I will get a sex change operation. My breasts are already c-cups. Maybe they will give me a TV-visa.”

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The rest of the bar didn’t think he was so funny, but checked the size of their man tits. A sex change didn’t have to be permanent, plus a lot of go go girls are lesbians. The idea was a little scary and I headed to Soi Bukhao to get a few beers to drink in the solace of my home.

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Rex, the photographer with the crazy go-go dancer from Heaven Above, was standing at the 7/11. He seemed at a loss and I asked what was wrong.

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“My girlfriend is threatening to report me to immigration.”

“What kind of visa do you have?” A girlfriend like that is almost enough to convince to make that sex change

“An OS visa.” he smiled guiltily.

That designation was unfamiliar and rex added, “Over-stay. I’ve been here about 15 months without a visa.”

Police catch you and it’s jail.

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“Oh.” Normally you could solve an overstay by paying 20,000 baht at the airport and then throwing your passport into the wash. Embassies replaced damaged passports much faster than lost ones, yet a vengeful girlfriend was an unnecessary complication for someone in Rex’s situation. “Are you going to leave?”

“Don’t have the 20k and I love her.” Two cops drove by and Rex waved, “I know them from Heaven.”

I wished him luck and bought my beers. At home I told my wife about the visa crisis and she tucked our daughter into bed, saying, “Mai mi penh.”

“Why isn’t it a problem?” I drank my Chang beer in 20 seconds.

“Caretaker wants everyone to think he get rid of bad farangs.” She shut off the overhead light. The nightlamp on the bed cast a golden glow on our two year-old face. She was an angel when asleep. We left the room and sat on the couch. “He tell everyone farang no good. Everyone know now farang same as Thai. some good. Some bad. Six month from now no one remember what he say. So not worry too much. If have big problem, we can go stay on farm.”

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“The farm.” No one would come for me at the end of that dirt road. I could grow trees on the 50 rai. In 20 years they would be worth a million in some currency. The billions of stars would be the bright lights of the city and lao whiskey would sing me to sleep. “How long you think I could last on the farm?’

“Four days.” My wife knew me cold. “You old man. You can get retirement visa. Not worry about other farangs. They have girlfriends for that. Me, I only have you.”

It was a nice thing to hear after all we had been through and I tuned out the lights. I wasn’t going anywhere.

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