Monthly Archives: February 2015

Poetry Police

My hillbilly girlfriend in the 70s was funny. Ann was even funnier drunk. Her limit was two drinks after which she was transformed from an ingenue actress into a white trash beauty. I wasn’t sure which I liked better. One night at CBGBs she launched into a tirade about the poetry police coming to arrest […]

Dif-Tor Heh Smusma

The Masoretic version of the Bible purported that Methuselah achieved the epic age of 969. His name has become synonymous with longevity in the West. No one in modern history has touched his nonacentarian record, although my great-grand aunt Bert lived to 103. She circled the world in a sailing ship. One port of call […]

Jeff Foxworthy – Opinion of Muslims

Americans do not travel to foreign countries. “Everyone there hates us.” Few people ask why or even if it’s true. “The French hate us.” The French hate everyone. “The Mexicans hate us.” Maybe that’s true, but America stripped Texas, California, New Mexico, and Arizona after the War of 1848, and then bought another strip of […]

WHITE BIRD by It’s a Beautiful Day

Maynard G. Krebs made me a beatnik, but songs like WHITE BIRD transformed me into a long haired hippie. David LaFlamme’s plaintive song with the greatest violin solo of the psychedelic era has me hankering for LSD, although listening to this classic by It’s A Beautiful Day is enough to flashback to those days of […]

White Trash Loser

1. Did you fart? Cuz you just blew me away. 2. Are yer parents retarded? Cuz ya sure are special. 3. My love fer you is like diarrhea. I just can’t hold it in. 4. Do you have a library card? Cuz I’d like to sign you out. 5. Is there a mirror in your […]