Briton fails to score Tesco Scam

In the summer of 1982 12 people were killed by Tylenol in the Chicago area. The victims had unsuspectingly ingested a tampered version of the popular pain-reliever laced with cyanide potassium. The 65 milligrams of the poison insured none would survive longer enough to call the hospital. Millions of phone calls overwhelmed medical institutions and Extra-Strength Tylenol was withdrawn from markets, until a fool-proof cap could be installed on the bottles.

The parent company Johnson & Johnson claimed that the deaths were the result of a blackmail threat from a madman. They settled out of out with the victims. $600,000,000. The ransom amount was never announced and many rumors arose that the tampering was a cover-up for a bad batch of Tylenol.

Many blackmailers have copied this crime.

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Last week in Thailand a Briton was arrested for attempted extortion of Lotus Tesco for 2 million pounds to stop his poisoning food products.

His extortion emails originated from an internet cafe on Soi Nana in Bangkok. He signed each ‘John Smith’. Uk police traced the emails to the cafe and the CCTV showed a white male using the computer. He was later arrested on Soi Nana after issuing another threat.

‘John’ was another hapless broke bloke not wanting to leave the Land of Smiles. “I never intended to hurt anyone.”

He also admitted he had been very stupid.

The Thai police are now considering how to prosecute the UK citizen, since there is no law on the books for extortion through the internet. Tesco Lotus is grateful for his speedy capture to avoid a costly store-wide product check for tampering.

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“He only threatened to poison the food. Tesco does it every day. Have you seen how fat people are in the UK.” Sam Royalle was outraged by Tesco’s genetically modified foods. “If we don’t watch out, we’ll end up like Americans. Too fat to leave the home.”

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