Traffic Genius Governor Closes Beach Road

In 2001 my father and I drove around Utah. No cars. No traffic signals. No cops.

Driving Paradise.

But not Pattaya, for Beach Road is a snake fuck-cluster most evenings. Traffic is backed up from walking Street to Pattaya Tai with baht buses, Chinese tourists buses, and over-sized jeeps driven by drunken Russians. This congestion is worsened by the motorcycle rentals illegally squatting on the parking spaces and in order to deal with this chaos the Chonburi Governor has proclaimed a New Year’s Eve vehicular ban for Beach Road to be followed by a weekend interdiction test. No traffic Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.


Chaos? Order? Traffic?

Driving is the only time most people experience freedom.Mostly free to be an asshole judging from my Tourette’s Syndrome flares behind the wheel.

And I know how to swear in Thai thanks to

The Governor is no traffic expert or terrorism savant, but this lack of expertise didn’t prevent him from banning the sale of mobile phones to prevent bomb detonation in Southern Thailand. Impossible, but he wanted a solution which is also his knee-jerk reaction to his stalled touring calvacade on Beach Road.

“Who are these people and how can we get rid of them?”

Chinks, Arabs, and farangs.


Jacobots, Kachs, and Bock-sidah.”

Pedestrianize Beach Road.

The police have installed CCTVs and high-power lights.

Walking, lights, and shopping.

What else could you want from the modern world?

A recent experiment of two-way traffic on 2nd Road pushed the traffic jams on beach road inland to 3rd Road and beyond. The large tour buses will extro-navigate the prohibition by flocking to Bali Hai Pier in order to animate the two new shopping malls. As for the city’s 700 baht buses plying their trade on Beach Road.


“Go fuck yourself.”

And it’s about time for them and the motorcycle rental mafias as well as the jet skis, drunken farangs, and transvestites, overweight people, smelly foreigners, and anyone else who doesn’t possess a million baht for the purchase of an Elite Card.

Did anyone elect this governor?

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