Crocodile escape in Thailand

Yesterday scores of crocodiles took advantage of rising flood water and fled a breeding farm in Lop Buri. The escape was discovered after a local fisherman’s finger was bitten by a fugitive reptile. Villagers gathered to hunt the saurians and swiftly captured a dozen. Half were eaten and the other half sold to be eaten for 1200 baht ($30) a body.


None of the villagers remarked that the crocodiles tasted like chicken.

The penises were shipped to sushi bars in Japan, where crocodile penis fetches about $2,000 a kilo, since Japanese men swear that by eating the penis of the crocodile you’ll take on the spirit and the aggression of the crocodile. They too said it didn’t taste like chicken, but all diners denied any homosexual predilections.


Smaller crocodiles were sold by the local Catholic Church for sacred rites to keep THE DA VINCI CODES from being shown on cinemas throughout San Marino, The Vatican, and Andorra. Pope Benedict has disavowed these purchases and asked for Cardinal Law from the Boston Diocese to investigated the sale, as he has get experience in dealing with underage abuse from his past service to the church.


Animal rights activists are claiming that the jarakays were fleeing in fear of having to appear in the farm’s inhumane show. Under-paid, abused, and unfed these reptiles took the only course of action left to them.

They are now working in a Pattaya go-go bar.

In order to catch the escapees Thai police have called on Khun Whatsup, famed crocodile hunter, to offer his body as bait. He told reporters that he has been bitten many times by crocs, but they don’t eat him because he doesn’t taste like chicken. 


Until they are all captured authorities are warning diners not to eat anything that looks like chicken but doesn’t quite taste right. Pork is sake, so bacon up.