No Homos in Iran

Several years ago a Bangkok police commissioner visited Pattaya to officially survey the night life.

A Bangkok reporter asked, “What are your views on prostitution in Pattaya?”

“Prostituition?” The top copper was wearing sunglasses on Walking Street. “All I see are young people having fun.”

His response harvested a chorus of hearty chuckles from longtime Pattaya residents, but nothing like the chortles from a Columbia University audience after the then-president of Iran responded to a question about the execution of two gay men by saying, “In Iran we don’t have homosexuals like in your country. In Iran we do not have this phenomenon. I do not know who has told you we have it.”

His claim flew in the face of the fact that next to Thailand, Iran performs the most sex-change operations in the world.

No queers, but a thousands if not millions of swarthy transvestites called Yasmin. 

Still if there were no sword-swallowers than I would have never found Farsi insults on

The best was Tu kooneh mollah chapeh beshi or May you be shoved into the ass of a Mullah, which might be a blessing for some if a fist was inserted first.

No gays in Iran?

President Ahmadinejad must have forgotten that two teenager boys were executed for the crime of Luvat or homosexuality. 16 and 18. Even GW Bush as governor of Texas didn’t kill teenagers, although Jerry Falwell would have forgiven his smiting sodomites for as Iran’s Supreme Leader who stated in that “The Western values that have led to the collapse of ethics and spread of revelry, violence, legalization of homosexuality and other such fiascos in their countries, can not be followed.”

So no Village People for Iran.

No singing YMCA.

No White Party or Tea Dances. Only hangings.

But what if men say they’re not gay like Senator Craig of Idaho?

Sex, but not gay.

Is that against Sharia?

Or would you get the same treatment as Matthew Wayne Shepard (December 1, 1976 – October 12, 1998)?

Wyoming or Mashad?

My younger brother was gay. My friends were gay. Millions of people in Thailand are gay and maybe one or two in Iran, because you can’t hang us all, Mr. President Ahmadinejad and Reverend Pat Robertson.

Meshosham beh seebillet, Bichare mashang or I piss on your beards, you pathetic retards.

Sometimes it hard to forgive.

After all we’re only human and I only want to have fun like the police commissioner said about Pattaya. That ain’t no crime and either is being gay.

There seemed to be an extraordinary number of pissing profanities in Farsi.

#1 Man mishaasham rooyeh saret taa kaf koneh or I’ll piss on your head until it foams

Nasty golden shower boys. 

They would have loved the Toilet Bar in Greenwich Village.


It’s raining men and ka-toeys too.

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