Tag Archives: xmas

THE SEASON FOR GIVING

Day 1… Get naked and smoke. Day 2… Ask a neighbor if they find it funny that every man in the neighborhood has a penis. Day 3… Flash someone. Day 4… Get your hair done. Day 5….Go to a porn theater (or rent a porno movie) Day 6… Whenever you hear someone say “shit” tell […]

The Xmas Drunk

Last holiday season I had a great part-time job being invited to office parties as the Christmas Drunk. $500 an appearance and all I could drink. Bad behavior was a must. Insulting the boss was a showstopper. Punching out the hated brother-in-law was most requested extra. $100/punch. Insulting a wife’s obesity was a secret request […]

No Bah Humbug

Few holidays are more commercialized than Christmas. The chorus of BUY BUY BUY on TV drowns out any rendition of SILENT NIGHT, as hordes of Americans flock to the malls in their SUVs to buy products made in China. Credit cards are whipped out at the cash registers to complete their Xmas gift list on […]

Fi Suay

Several years ago I nailed Xmas lights to the roof of my house in Pattaya. Ours was the only one on Moo 9 celebrating the winter holiday on Pearl Harbor Day. The rest of the farangs were too mean-hearted to pursue any happiness other than the emptiness of sex, drugs, and golf. I spoke to […]

A BARK BETTER THAN A BITE by Peter Nolan Smith

Every diamond shop on West 47th Street was open seven days a week from Thanksgiving to Christmas Eve. Sales people, guards, elevator operators, schleppers, cutters, setters, polishers, and even Lennie the Bum slaved throughout the holiday rush in hopes of scoring enough cash to buy presents. Stores extended their normal hours to entice late-night shoppers. […]