“I have nothing against Christ. It’s your Christians I hate.”

This remark has historically been attributed to Saladin the Arab Jihadist during the Crusades.

I feel the same way about most religions except beer-worshippers.

“Every day is Beermas,” my mate Nick declared at Pattaya’s Buffalo Bar with the fervor of a suicide beer-drinker.

“The same for me.” I celebrated Beermas often.

I don’t believe in God, Jesus, or an afterlife and certainly not that Mary was a virgin. That story about the Immaculate Conception was a cover-up for her affair with a mere mortal and it’s about time the church gave up that ghost.

Several years back a newspaper had reported that a female convict in SE Asia had achieved a virgin birth in solitary confinement.

I don’t remember where.

Thankfully there have been no calls about the 2nd Coming of Jesus, although Christian missionaries have been ratcheting up their efforts to convert Thai youth to the passion of God.

Big G wearing a muumuu like Buddha.

Several years ago my friend Ek lost his brother to preachers in Chonburi.

Now Poey’s a Sunday boy. He and his wife pray to God, happy to be saved for the heaven beyond this life.

One day the white-devil bible-thumpers established a mission down the street from my house and the Buffalo Bar.

Jehovah Witnesses.

My ex-wife asked me about Christ.

“They say he give paradise in sa-wan.”

“Yes, heaven without beer and sum-tam.”

Thai women couldn’t live with out the spicy papaya salad.

“No want go heaven no have sum-tam.”

That night I spray-painted 666 on the wall.

The next day the small congregation were on their knees praying for the number to disappear by the grace of God.

After 30 minutes they switched to soap and water.

By nightfall the 666 was a shadow.

Only 1% of Thais answered Christ’s summon. The number was bound to rise with the increased uncertainty of the times. Maybe the True Believers will get 1.1%. And if Jesus comes they can go to heaven and leave the rest of us behind.

Bon Voyage true believers.