Monthly Archives: June 2015

FATHER / Great Society

A-Rod’s Lost 3000th Hit

Yesterday A-Rod smote a first-inning fastball into the bleachers to get his 3000th hit. The all-star infielder joined Derek Jeter as the only other Yankee to reach that milestone. Stadium officials attempted to retrieve the ball, except the catcher refused to give back the ball. MLB reckoned the ball was worth $50,000 to collectors. The […]

Hands Off Ramadan

Evil lurked everywhere in 1965 and our 7th Grade Catholic school teacher, Sister Mary Josef, warned her male students in a special assembly that masturbation not only condemned boys to hell, but repeated self-abuse led to hair sprouting from our palms and in the worst case scenario, blindness. “Idle hands are the tools of the […]

AROD AROD AROD

In the 2009 World Series Alex Rodriguez threw off the mantle of post-season goat and MVPed his way through the Phillie pitchers. Glory doesn’t last long in the modern age. MLB suspended the all-star Yankee infielder some of 2013 and most of 2014 for self-medicating his aging body. Fans spoke about A-Rod, as if he […]

IMPURE AT HEART by Peter Nolan Smith

In the early 60s the nuns of Our Lady of the Foothills taught that sins were punished not in this life, but for all eternity in the burning fires of Hell, but Mother Superior submitted pain to the palms of potential heretics, religious backsliders, note-passers, and jesters with a wicked yardstick. All of her victims […]