5 Things Thai bar girls Like about Farangs

Most surveys are conducted with scores, if not hundreds of people. Personally I go for the one person who is most representative of the subject group and several years ago when I was thinking about the five qualities a Thai bar girl required from her farang boyfriend, I immediately went to Gai, the Buffalo Bar’s version of Anna Nichols Smith.

Gai has been loved by scores of men over her five year career and spent the night a few more. My cousin was one of them. Few had complaints other than Gai really didn’t want to settle down with most of them. After plying her with several drinks, I asked, “Why?”

“Farang men like Thai men are no good. Say one thing, do the other.”

The lights of Pattaya don’t attract the best catches on the planet, but there are some nice guys.

“What do you look for in a man?”

“The opposite of what a man wants.” Gai ordered a Heineken on my tab. No one’s time is free and I waved for another Chang Beer. I like drinking with her.

“Which is?”

“Sex, love, fun, freedom, and faithfulness.”

“Sounds about right.” My top choice after her first is someone having my back or a woman on the same team.

“Most farangs kee-nok think they are the best thing to happen to a Thai girl. Look at them. Bald, fat, unable to find a woman in their own country, cheap, except when it comes to getting drunk, then they are just like thai men. Drink everything they have and end up in bed with another woman or lady-boy.”

“That’s a little hard.” But not off the mark in Pattaya. “So all the women her are angels.”

“Not angels. Women. Nothing more and they want something most men can’t give them. Security is #1.”

“Money.”

“Without money I can’t take care of my baby.

“I would say truthfulness, but no man can tell the truth more than second hours in a row. All you have to do is ask them what they are thinking.”

“The answer is usually nothing.”

“And you expect a woman to believe that.”

“Men have minds like dogs.”

“And women are cats.”

“So what’s second?”

“Fun and laughs. No sense in being with a man if he is no fun.”

“What about choice #1. Money.”

“Only if there is no other choice.”

Unfortunately during low season the options were reduced by 50% and bar girls had to make do with the dregs. Sam Royalle calls this time after Songkran the Brad Pitt season, when bar girls call Saudi hunchbacks with mohawks sexy. Gai was lucky enough that she can be choosy most of the time.

“So far we have money and fun.”

“Only two.” Gai lifted her fingers. The nails were long and painted fire-engine red. Respect for family.”

“Meaning your mother and father.” I knew how important that was, since many bargirls started off in brothels to pay off their father’s rice debts. I can’t respect the old men, but the girls understand that the needs of the family supersede their dreams.

“Yes,” She finished her beer and waved to a good-looking farang entering the bar. His smile said he was her first pick for tonight and she finished the top five. “Next comes sex. Good sex is good. Bad sex is good too as long as it’s fast. Last comes love, because you can’t eat love.”

“And you can eat sex?”

“Sex pays the food.”

“So it’s money, fun, family respect, sex, and love.” I tipped her a 100 baht and Gai kissed me on the cheek.

Her choices were not the same order as men. Maybe other bar girls would have a different order, but somehow I felt that Gai was on the money, especially knowing Pattaya’s farangs.

After all I’m one too.

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