Waterboarding 101

Practice makes perfect.

This English idiom was mastered by the CIA in their ‘waterboarding’ of two terrorism suspects in the Rendition Program. During August 2002 the CIA subjected Abu Zubaydah to the interrogation technique and in March 2003 Khalid Shaikh Mohammed was tortured 183 times. Abu Zubaydah lasted 35 seconds before spilling his guts according to a CIA operative.

Most waterboardees call out ‘ الناصح, مشجع’ or ‘uncle’ after 14 seconds. Khalid Sheikh Mohammed endured almost two minutes of this art of persuasion, which was modeled after the old Spanish Inquisition technique ‘toca’ obviously giving him the gold for endurance.

CIA operatives were ordered by the Bush White House to suject Khalid Sheikh Mohammed to endless sessions of waterboarding in order for team players to perfect the technique.

“A dunk in the water,” Dick Cheney described the practice on TV and the Vice President was defended by the late White House flak Tony Snow along with every major Fox New newsman.

“I would have dumped that guy in the water 1000 times to save your life.” Bill O’Reilly said to a torture critic.

Jack Bauer from Fox TV show 24 would have done worse.

Personally I’d talk after a few glasses of wine and a line of blow.


Save that for the fans of www.waterbondage.com

They like that kind of thing.

Back in the 1960s the camp counselors at Adams Pond Boy Scout Camp set up a game of ‘pig’ in the swimming area. The object was for one team of swimmers to push a greased watermelon past a roped area. I was a good swimmer, but got caught underneath a scrum of maddened scouts and almost drowned beneath the kicking feet.

The panic in my mind has always stuck with me.

Waterboarding is torture, but the truth is that we do much worst.

Remember the Christmas Tree guy from Abu Ghabi with the wires snaking from his fingertips. They were there from a reason and that was to light him up liek a Christmas tree.


To paraphrase Oliver Wendell Holmes, “I don’t what torture is, but I know it went I see it.”

ps somewhere in a dark basement someone is getting waterboarded by people.


Americans will never know, because we don’t want to know and care even less, because this is the Fourth of July Weekend and this holiday is for face-planting watermelons.

I certainly will be later in the day.

Go for it.

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