The Man Who Never Shat

Western travelers regarded the Chosin Peninsula as a ‘Hermit Kingdom’ well into the 19th Century. Japan pried open the doors of its old rival with more deadier cannons and guns. Korea regained its freedom at the defeat of the Rising Sun. The victors; Russia, China, and the USA Cold War created two separate states.

Capitalism versus Communism.

A bloody war failed to resolve the political differences. South Korea benefitted from the largesse of the West and its modern industrial base rewarded its citizens with wealth. North Korea shut its doors. One man spoke for all. The Supreme Leader’s support of the anti-capitalist struggle veered off course into activities considered criminal by its southern neighbor’s intelligence agencies. GW Bush condemned North Korea to the ‘Axis of Evil’. The First Supreme Leader died with his nation safe from change.

His son assumed his ascendancy after his father’s demise.

Kim Jong-il scored a 38 under par on the first game on Pyongyang’s first golf course.

He aced eleven holes-in-one.

His ceaseless search for a long life ended last week and North Korea mourns the passing of the Man Who Never Shat.

This claim had to be true.

His government said so and governments never lie.

His nation mourns.

His soul is gone. I hope in his heaven that there is a toilet. The Man Who Never Shat must need one bad.

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