Fuck Ferrari

2008 started badly for me, when Thai cops raided my house in Pattaya with a warrant citing me with copyright infringement of Ferrari designed clothing. The investigators for the Italian sports car stood on the sidewalk, as the chief inspector from the Cyber-Crimes Unit in Bangkok approached me. His underlings had hands on their guns. They wanted me to bolt the scene. Cops everywhere liked how a bullet ended all discussion. The head officer lifted his hand and offered me a small vial filled with liquid.

“Tam arai?” I asked him what was in the tiny glass bottle, hoping the content wasn’t cyanide.

“Smelling salts. Sometime farang faint think he go to monkey house.”

“I’m not going to faint.” Panic maybe, but not jai wiu.

“Not worry.” The top cop leaned close to me. “I speak with neighbor. Everyone say you good farang. I take care you. Not worry about Ferrari.”

And this policeman was good for his word. I never set foot in a jail cell, the fine was only $100, and immigration didn’t deport back to the States.

I spoke to the Ferrari officials after the trial.

“The only reason that I was successful was that you charge too much for your kit and don’t offer anything exciting. If you want me to work for your website I’ll be more than happy to oblige you.”

The swarmy Italians rejected my unofficial resume, although the top cop tried to enlist me as a snitch for other counterfeits.

“Sorry, pom mai penh kha boht.” I never wanted to hear Jimmy Cagney in PUBLIC ENEMY # 1 say, “You dirty rat.”

“Mai penh rai.” Not worrying was a good attitude and I left the country within a week. Without a job I had no money. My children didn’t understand ‘mai penh rai’ when the words pertained to their eating. I was pissed at Ferrari.

Fucking wankers.

So the other day I was glad to see that eight Ferraris crashed on a rain-slick Japanese motorway along with a couple of Mercs and a Lamborghini as the lead super-car slammed on its brakes to avoid a collision with a lowly Toyota Prius. Crash Bam Thank You M’am.

Ferraris are designed to be driven fast.

But not fast while driven by idiots or kon ngao in Thai.

Bloomberg.com is trying to set the blame on the first Ferrari driver, then again Bloomberg.com is more unreliable than Russ Limbaugh on Oxys as is all western media.

You can only read between the lines of lies to discover the truth.

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