Brigitte Bardot is Old

I’ve been back in New York two days after 5 years in Thailand. Culture shock has been minimalized by my refusal to leave Andrew Pollack’s $3 million Ft. Greene brownstone, however on Tuesday I rendezvoused with my biographer to recount the circumstances of my exile from the Land of Smiles.

“Come meet me at Lucien’s on 1st Avenue. I’m doing an interview with Taylor Meade.”

I showed up late. The beat poet had drunk a bottle of whiskey. Adrian was conversing with a young Russian boy, who was clearly smitten with the respected obituarist’s infectious joi du mots. Adrian had that effect on some people. The magic emanating from an acting career in his youth.

“Meet my new protege. He likes older women.”

“They’re more intellectual.” Vlad was smart in a bookish way. The angelic quoted Rimbaud and purported himself a gentleman. 23 and looking 12. A life ahead of him. I was jealous once more. I was more than twice his age and no one had called me young in decades.

“And older women like cut cock,” a gay friend interjected from behind a glass of wine. We laughed, as Vlad assessed the intent of the statement. None of us expected him to say, “That’s anti-Semitic.”

“Anti-Semetic?” I was having none of this. “Vlad, what does a cut cock have to do with Anti-semiticism.”

His cheeks burned with indignation of the supposed slight. Americans and especially young ones had no sense of humor.

“Lighten up, unless the mohel schobbed off too much prepuce at your Bris. You know it was reputed that the mohel was buried with all the foreskin he had ever cut off?”

Prepuce.” Vlad had never heard the term.

“Yes, the foreskin of Jesus.” The Holy Bris of Jesus was reputed to have been preserved in a jar of spikenard and this relic has passed hands throughout the royalty of Europe. “They rubbed it for good luck.”

“And it turned into a suitcase.” The gay man quoted the old joke. “Without any wheels.”

After this Vlad excused himself from the table and Adrian admonished me for riding him a little hard, however I do believe in the Freedom of Speech unlike France, whose courts are seeking a $23,500 fine against the withered beauty, Brigitte Bardot for inciting anti-Muslim hatred in her letter to the then Interior Minister Nicholas Sarkosy accusing the nation’s #1 minority of destroying French Culture by not listening to Johnny Hallyday or eating crepes.

Maybe Vlad can help her with this problem. After all he has a thing for older women, as do I, especially blue-haired heiresses dipped in Botox. Love ’em, then again I’m no gentleman.
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  1. […] http://www.mangozeen.com/brigitte-bardot-is-old.htm“Vlad, what does a cut cock have to do with Antisemeticism. Lighten up, unless the mohel schobbed off too much prepuce at your Bris. You know it was reputed that the mohel was buried with ANZ First Credit Card all the foreskin he had ever cut off?” Prepuce. … […]

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