Rudy Guiliani Flops in Florida

Throughout 2007 Rudy Guiliani was the poll leader for the GOP presidential nomination. Bolstered by his unflinching emphasis on national security, America’s mayor swore under his guidance the United States would be safe from terrorist attack, however as the year came to an close Americans grew more concerned with Dubai buying our banks than Al-Quada mounting a campaign against our right to eat pork at strip clubs.


It was the economy, you idiot.

$3 gas. Empty shopping malls. For sale signs on suburban lawns.

Rudy decided to stake the house on the Florida win-all primary. He rolled snake-eyes with 15% of the vote. Rudy recognised his campaign’s unsustainability and withdrew from the race, almost immediately casting his support to the 71 year-old Arizona senator.

I phoned Ty Spaulding for his reaction and he said, “Rudy forgot that the only people who elected him America’s mayor were the flaks at Fox News, who now back either Milt Romney or Governor Huckleberry.”

“And you think Rudy’s endorsement helps John McCain?”

“America hasn’t elected a bald president since Eisenhower. That bald patch in the back of Al Gore’s head was what cost him the election. Not Florida. John McCain will be 72 on inaugaration day. The presidency is a time-accelerator. 4 years are like 12 normal years. Age will become a factor in the real election. One president with Sundowner’s syndrome a century is the quota.”

“I thought you liked Reagan.” Old Dutch was a notorious nodder.

“I do especially when he was asleep.”

“So who’s going to win?”

There were only four choices.

“I don’t know.”

What he wasn’t saying was anyone other than Hillary.

And I can’t say that I don’t blame him.

“I’ll vote for Ron Paul if it comes to that.” He’ll be on the Libertarian ticket.

Ty laughed, “Isn’t he related to Ru Paul?”

Ru Paul, black transvestite kin to Ron Paul old white guy?

America truly is the melting pot.

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