Oscar Party Pattaya 2007

No limos or red carets for Oscar parties on Soi 6, despite some of the best acting performance coming from the upper rooms above that salubrious strip. The short time bars had closed at 2am and the girls sought their pillows, lovers, or a bottle of cheap Thai whiskey to help bring in the dawn. Not some boring farang TV show about stupid farang movies.

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Waking at the crack of 9:14am I turned on the TV. 60 channels on Sophon Cable. Nothing covering the Academy Awards other than snippets from the BBC and Fox News pundits moaning about the upcoming Oscar documentary award for AN INCOVENIENT TRUTH. Glenn Beck from CNN was also rolling his eyes in anticipation of Al Gore receiving his statuette.

“It’s a lock. Al Gore and left wing Hollywood love fest.”

And Al Gore did win with a standing O and he’s no Slick Willie, who should have received anacting award for his declaration that he hadn’t had sex with Monica Lewinsky.

The arts are cruel.

For Al Gore won with a message not looks or a car chase. His film about global warming carries an urgent warning about greenhouse emissions’ increasing influence on the planet’s water levels and climate.

Senator James Inhofe from Oklahoma, a state with no coast line, poo-bahs the contention we are entering a pre-apocalyptical era, unless it’s brought on by the right hand of God. So does GW Bush and Dick Cheney.

The VP’s home state of Wyoming is coastless, then again so is Tennessee, Al Gore’s place of birth. I’m not a real big Al Gore fan, since it was under his VPdom that SUVs were allowed an emissions loophole, whereby FF-ing pollution and consumption levels within the USA, but he seems to have repented with AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH, except the message isn’t getting to anyone. My wife still shows her anger for my not purchasing an SUV for a family car but refusing to recycle.

When I asked Junior Mint from Dirty Den’s about the Oscars, she gave me a funny look. “Oscar?”

The word meant nothing to her.

“Al Gore?”

She shook her head.

“BABEL, THE QUEEN, BLOOD DIAMOND, LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE, and THE DEPARTED?”

She shook her head.

None of her compatriots recognized the names.

Thais people are very chauvinistic.

If a film doesn’t have anything to do with Thais, then it doesn’t register on their cinematic meter, unless there’s a lot of bloodshed or ghosts.

“Movie have Thai language?” Mint asked, while slicing a mango.

“None do.”

Not real film. Not have Thai.”

That was the wisdom from Soi 6 and a brief perusal of Time Magazine’s top 100 films of all time has no films which a Thai person might consider as having a Thai.

Not one.

Because the list excludes BRIDGE ON THE RIVER KWAI.

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So I celebrated the Oscars with a cheap glass of wine, toasting the acting winners. Tow old people and two blacks. No one young. And that’s got to make a 50-plus year-old nigger lover feel good, especially with the special acting lessons I’m giving the short-time girls on Soi 6.

No one will give me a directing Oscar for that altruistic service to mankind, then again Helen Mirrin Best Actrress for THE QUEEN didn’t wear any underwear at the Oscars to avoid VPLs.

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Visible Panty lines.

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